The Importance of Self-Regulation
In my book, Paradigm Change: The Collective Wisdom of Recovery, I discuss the theme of Self-Regulation. In the AA twelve steps this concept is addressed in step 10 “continue to take personal inventory.” This is perhaps the most important theme in ongoing recovery. The process of continued self-examination and behavioral correction is essential for healing, growth and the strengthening of resiliency. Without active self-regulation, a person can become stuck and frequently will revert back to old behavior patterns and unproductive responses. Life balance and thought clarity is necessary to support sobriety. Relapse potential increases if a person loses the emotional balance and equilibrium they had created.
There are several good definitions of self-regulation. For the purpose of this discussion, I define self-regulation as the action or process of healthy self management and the continual integration of positive behavioral change. As I state in the Collective Wisdom book, “It’s being conscious of our needs and stress levels and attending to our mental and physical health on a daily basis. I often discuss with clients, as stress goes up your mental and emotional supports must also go up. Frequently, the opposite occurs. When stress goes up, individuals often abandon the very tools and resources they have utilized to maintain sobriety.
You often hear, “I am too busy to exercise,” or “I can’t fit a meeting in this week,” or “I don’t have time to meet a friend.” The very activities that would bring respite and relief are not utilized.This leaves an individual at high risk to relapse.
THE THREE R’S
Focusing on the following areas can be beneficial as individuals address self-regulation. The activities that constitute the Rituals, Routines, and Resources of recovery, should be based on an individuals specific issues and relapse dynamics. Successful sobriety involves managing specific red flags and relapse warning signs. Understanding self-identified areas of vulnerability (anger, avoidance, loneliness, depression, etc.), and having realistic plans, tools, and resources in place to help manage these inevitable bumps in your recovery journey is essential.
RITUALS: Engaging in specific rituals in recovery can help anchor an individual’s self-regulation. Taking an A.A. token to mark continuous time in recovery is a powerful example of a ritual. Attending annual conferences, sobriety centered camping trips, or retreats are types of rituals that help keep individuals connected and renewed.
ROUTINES: Daily, weekly, and monthly sobriety-based routines anchor lasting recovery. As I state in my book, “over the years, the COLLECTIVE WISDOM has been unequivocal. There is freedom in routines!” When you establish a routine and follow it faithfully you no longer debate with yourself, “should I go or not?” “should I do this or not?” The more you program yourself to respond, “it’s Tuesday, I have my meeting tonight” or therapy appointment, or exercise class, the more likely you will follow through with the commitment.
HALT is a very important concept in the recovery community. Never get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Establishing routines that address these issues will greatly reduce relapse potential, for example, shopping and cooking on a regular schedule. I don’t have research to back this up but I am convinced, through experiences with clients, that when individuals begin to forget meals and eat junk food, and let their blood sugar levels spike, a relapse is around the corner. I have seen it too many times to be a coincidence. Also, when an individual does not manage their anger, loneliness, or tiredness, they significantly reduce their emotional defenses and become more vulnerable to relapse. In my book, Paradigm Change: The Collective Wisdom of Recovery, I outline the SET THE DAY ROUTINE, in Chapter 7. This routine can be a powerful recovery tool if practiced regularly.
RESOURCES: The third R speaks to the ongoing and changing resources that help stabilize and facilitate recovery. As a person grows and life-changes occur, utilizing appropriate resources is fundamental to success. The most important thing to remember is determine your resources IN ADVANCE. Don’t wait for a crisis to start your research for a resource. This is a topic I frequently discuss with clients, who have counseling/coaching as a resource. If they are on medication or have ever been I suggest they identify a doctor with a specialty in addiction medicine, which is covered by their medical insurance, should they need a consult or medication re-evaluation. Some individuals need a financial consultation, marital counseling or a treatment tune-up. I suggest they consider these issues so that they are prepared should the need arise.
A young client who now has four years of recovery returned to see me about six months ago. I had helped her achieve her first year of recovery and she had been doing very well. However, she and her boyfriend decided to try and purchase the home they were renting as the owner wanted to sell. As you can imagine this is a difficult undertaking in the best of circumstances. Qualifying for the loan, gathering the funds, fixing the house problems for the inspection, negotiating with the owner, and last but certainly not least, dealing with the numerous issues that came to the surface with her boyfriend, that soon would be her co-owner. I am happy to report that my client was successful and was able to address and resolve a host of issues that could have jeopardized her recovery. This is an example of being proactive with resources. After three and a half years, my client returned for a brief stint in counseling and the process helped to stabilize her through a desired but difficult and frustrating situation. She didn’t shy away from purchasing a home but she protected her recovery in the process.
LIFE BALANCE
I often discuss the concept of the “Balance Wheel” with my clients. It is another aspect of self-regulation. Everyone’s life is different. Some people have partners or spouses, children, pets, intense career or educational commitments. Therefore each person’s balance wheel will be somewhat different. What is important is the concept of equilibrium. Devoting time and energy to each important area of your life is no easy task. But a critical point is that your self-care and recovery activities are not dispensable. If you agree with the concept that your health and well-being is contingent on your sobriety, then the next notion makes perfect sense. Your recovery activities must come first. At the end of the day it is probably reasonable to conclude that without ongoing sobriety, jobs, health, family, finances, and relationships will all be jeopardized. The most essential way to protect all that is important to you is to engage in ongoing self-regulation.
Read more about self-regulation in Chapter ten, of Paradigm Change:The Collective Wisdom of Recovery.
